Photo of me and Jackson, from my first post
Photo of me, Jackson, Walker, and Hazel, taken last week
The past five and a half weeks have been the hardest of my life.
They have also given me things that I would not trade for the world.
I have experienced some pain and suffering, fear and remorse, trial and tribulation, and in exchange I have a new appreciation for my life, my family, my self.
I have been brought to my knees, and have touched a void of hopelessness only to be lifted up by the love of the most amazing children, husband, parents, and friends.
I still have some healing to do, but already I have been given the precious gift of a second chance -- an opportunity to stop marking time, doing what is easy or habitual or safe -- and begin being the person I want to be right now.
For five years this blog has been a huge part of who I am. I have learned so much from the experience of authoring Marvelous Kiddo, I have met so many amazing people through it, and I have felt very powerful and creatively fulfilled here.
I have also lost myself in it from time to time: Living life to blog about it later, instead of for the experience itself. Prioritizing the blog over my family or my marriage or myself sometimes (ok, many times). Getting bogged down by comparing myself to others. Trying to earn the approval of strangers. Striving to keep up with the ever-increasing momentum of the internet.
Running this space has been by turns liberating and confining, enjoyable and exhausting, rewarding and punishing, thrilling and stress-inducing, inspiring and scary.
I am still in shock that you are out there, reading along! Thank you for sharing your time with me here, for opening up your minds and hearts, for reaching out to commune with me over the issues and topics that I have raised. Thank you for your friendship, your loyalty, your concern, your passion, your questions, your honesty, your love. I started a blog and you people made it a community -- and for that I am eternally grateful.
I have been thinking about this for a long time (and recent events have conspired to confirm my inclination): I think it is time to say goodbye.
The Marvelous Kiddo chapter of my life is over.
I am crying as I write this, not because I regret this decision but because I know it is truly time to move on, and moving on can be hard! I am venturing into the unknown, opening up to possibility, surrendering to the loss of something that has meant so very much for so long. But I cannot make this work any longer. I'm ready to discover what is next, and (perhaps moreover) to fully enjoy just being in the now.
Please accept my deepest regards and my most heartfelt appreciation for being a part of this blogging journey with me.
All my love.