As a mother and a blog author, there are some tricky lines that I struggle to walk. I value Marvelous Kiddo as a creative outlet and a place to commune with others, and I have always felt such warmth and love from my readers whenever I open up with the more personal posts. However, as my kids get older and more independent I find myself needing to respect my children's privacy, autonomy, and dignity more than ever. Opening up to an audience about the details of my parenting journey is not a priority when I dread committing the kind of overshare that would annoy or vex my children now or in the future. And we all know the Internet is forever, so it's kind of heavy to think about ;)
Anyway, this ramble is just a lead-up to say that I do sometimes crave to just let it all hang out, to get into more personal, revealing conversation in this forum. Sometimes I worry that by omitting much of the gritty reality of my daily life people get the wrong idea, or think that this space is unfeeling or too sanitized, or mistake my world for perfect.
Sometimes, along with the pretty breastfeeding art and the inspiring birth stories and the things i've culled from Pinterest, I just want to let people know that I totally have hella crappy
days weeks. That I feel like I yell too much. That I feel guilty for being bored while tending to three little kids and a load of housework all of the time. That I get too distracted by my phone/computer to really be present with my kids much of the time. That I love reading blogs and at the same time I'm so sick of reading blogs. That I made instant mac n cheese for dinner two times this week. That the boys fight with each other so much. That I often rely on shows and movies to entertain/pacify them so I can read or nurse the baby in peace or make a phone call or take a nap. That I am really starting to think school might be a good option for us because the idea of homeschooling/unschooling this crazy house full of kiddos totally overwhelms me. That I cleaned poop off the floor twice today already.
All along, I have purposefully stayed away from posting about certain hot-button parenting topics that are important to me entirely because I am wary of giving away too much about my kiddos when they never asked to be a part of this (circumcision, vaccination, two out of three of my personal birth stories -- those are just a few examples).
My intention has always been to blog from a place of positivity and to celebrate motherhood and femininity, but the truth of those things is so much fuller and richer when you delve into the dark, personal places too, right? I want to go there, but I haven't figured out how yet -- not without giving away pieces of my family that are not entirely mine to give away. How can I do both? I'm not sure.
I'm saying all this now not because I have any answers, but because I have been feeling a bit adrift in this space of late, and I am doing a lot of soul searching as to the future of this blog. It is in a state of flux, and I am trying to define what I want it to be and how I want it to fit into my life. I've been here for going on five years, and I have to say there are some days when I fantasize about just walking away. I'm not there yet, but I just wanted to be open and honest about the struggle in the meantime.
I would love to hear your thoughts! What do you struggle with most as a parent? How do you manage to take care of your kids and still have time/energy for your own work or creative outlet? If you have a blog about your family, do you ever worry about over-sharing? Are you tired of blogs? Are you tired of blogging? Are you tired of this blog? LOL, thanks in advance for indulging me in this conversation ;)
Also, maybe I'm just feeling this way because of
MIR?
Cartoon via Jo.
Yes, have totally felt all of these things, too. I love your blog and all the pretty stuff you post, and it's great to know that you go through the same things I do as a mom. Yes, my kids eat boxed mac and cheese or a PB&J for dinner more often than I care to think about, and yes, I put them in front of the tv so I can get a break and play around on the Internet. You should only blog about what you feel comfortable sharing.I think a lot of us who have been now blogging for 5+ years are starting to get a bit burnt out by the whole thing. I now rarely post more than twice a month, and only when something really gets me fired up. When I get to the point where it feels like an obligation I'll stop. So yeah, right there with you, if that's any consolation.
ReplyDeleteHi Leigh, I'm a somewhat new reader of yours and while I'm not a mother I have to say I'm struggling with a similar issue. I love reading blogs and when I get around to it, I post on my personal blog. But lately I have been feeling really blue about my work and I think it may have to do with reading about all the amazing & creative projects, photos and recipes during the day that I just don't have the time for right now. Maybe it's a little bit of jealously or needing a change in my life but I have been thinking about "quitting blogs" :) sounds silly but I used to look to them to connect with people and get inspired but I don't think it's doing that for me anymore. As far as your blog and what to do, I think what you are feeling is normal and have heard the same thing from other friends who have popular blogs and are mothers. I think that it's great you are self aware and are consciously making an effort to think before you act - some blogs I just can't get over the personal stuff they say about their children and husband and while honesty is good, it might not be appropriate to blast for all the world to read. Anyway, not sure that helps you but I thought I'd let you know that you aren't alone!
ReplyDeleteDepending on the day, reading blogs either inspires me or makes me feel like I'm a total failure as a mom. I really love your blog, though, and hearing how you feel is heartening to me because I can so, so relate. I'm hoping that you can find some balance and feel comfortable sharing your more personal stories because it all sounds very familiar to me. It's always nice to know you're not alone in your feelings.
ReplyDeleteHi Leigh,
ReplyDeleteHave been an avid reader for a few years, since right before your second was born.
I love that you shared all of this humanness in one post. (Excuse my grammar skills, am currently 37 weeks pregnant and overly exhausting from all the same shit/stuff.)
I understand completely where you are coming from.
Every.single.day. I wonder if I am cut out for this job. It's not all day, everyday, but it is there. I wonder if I will ever feel fulfilled with raising children, and when the hell can I where that pencil skirt? And, I can't have a babysitter because I am so fricken devoted to my nurslings. And, why am I doing this again? Like about to give birth (but who are we kidding, 37 weeks is barely the light at the end...)and start the sleeplessness, and the postpartumness all over again.
Sigh.
Anyways, from one mama to another, thanks for keeping it real. Will continue reading, because I have grown so fond of your words and pictures.
And damn that Mercury, messing with my birthing times.
xo
Poppy
This post is brilliant and portrays exactly why I cannot for the life of me start a blog although at times I desperately want to. People often go overboard with what they share of their private lives. Sometimes this happens to the point where I feel sorry for their kids/ or family. Yes, occasionally it is nice to "see" inside people's lives and know that you are not alone in your struggles. It is a weird sort of "cyber empathy" that is neat but a little scary considering these are people you honestly don't really know. This of course goes vice versa as well, seeing people who portray their lives as perfect. Just know that your blogs and insights are appreciated, whatever pieces of information/stories you choose to share.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this post! I'm having a bad day and needed to hear that another mom with similar parenting ideals has those too. I'm starting to get fed up with most of the blogs I follow (not yours). I understand your wanting to delve into deeper, more personal topics but not wanting to put it all out there at the same time. I don't have a solution (although today's post managed to be very honest and real and yet not give away details about your children...so you did it today!)I started reading blogs to fill my need to have a dialogue (as one-sided as it was) with other parents of young children. I don't have many friends with young children and the friends I do have have such a totally different outlook on children/parenting that I wouldn't dare talk to them about it. Many of the blogs that used to inspire me to be a more fun/more present/more patient/more creative/better dressed mother now seem to do just the opposite; instead of walking away inspired, I constantly feel "less than." I've been thinking about giving up on most of the design/lifestyle blogs that make me feel this way. (Some blogs that I feel strike a good balance between beauty and reality are mycakies.com, designmom, jenloveskev). I know you're feeling unsure about the direction of your blog, but I'd urge you to keep up the good work! Your birth story posts and your posts about Ina May Gaskin were my first introduction to natural and homebirth. And, thanks in part to you (and lots of research), I recently experienced a beautiful homebirth with my son. So thanks, Leigh!
ReplyDeleteI don't have children of my own, but I soak up blogs like yours to develop my evolving sense of parenthood and feminism. I love that you are addressing the dichotomy between your intentions and your reality as a mother, and that you are considering sharing more about the realistic frustrations of being a mother.
ReplyDeleteI hope you will strike a balance in what you decide to share with us. Of course, we all want to respect your privacy (and that of your kiddos), as you are already sharing so much.
You are a feminist blogger, and sharing the struggle of the ups and downs is beneficial to the progress of parenting, of teaching our kids.
You're singing the song all women sing, and have always sung: how can I do it all?
I hope you'll share more soon.
Sending you energy.
I love this post and all of the points you bring up. It's something I was talking with my husband about on our road trip last week because I was thinking about how I want to recollect our trip on the blog. It sounds like a fairytale - road trip around Corsica and through Tuscany. But in reality, it was kind of a nightmare and I'm so happy to be home. I want my blog to be honest and authentic. I want people to know that the trip stressed us out! That we only camped two out of six nights and spent too much money on hotels and food. That I got puked on, that we yelled and argued. It's so easy to only show the wonderful things and then it becomes like a brag book and for me that's not what I want my blog to be (there is Facebook for that! ;) but it feels like that is what my blog has been to some degree. It's easy to confuse the idea that in order to be positive, we have to only focus on the good things when actually it can be quite positive and refreshing to look at the whole picture and accept and love it all, good, bad and ugly. As for over sharing, I don't know about that one. But I can say that I support your feelings of wanting to send your children to school. You can unschool on weekends! ;) And I can understand how challenging it must be to nurse and take care of a newborn with two other kids galloping around.
ReplyDeleteThe best (and most humbling) part about becoming a parent is seeing how it changes us. Just go with it is what I say!
Thanks so much for such a lovely dose of brutal honesty. I think a lot of bloggers write about their life through a rather rose-colored lens, and I always find it refreshing to read about the "realness" we all experience. I particularly love the blogs Dash & Bella and Becoming Supermommy.
ReplyDeleteRegarding the "getting tired" of blogs... I'm finding that with women's "lifestyle" blogs what I'm getting tired of is the repetition - seeing the same sponsors/clothes/ads/topics/giveaways/etc. It feels a bit like subscribing to every variant of a girly magazines, where the same 10 HOT SEX TIPS are retold over and over. I happen to really enjoy your blog because it tends to be more unique than others in the bunch.
I think loads of mama blogs are a bit too 'shiny' and that some gritty honesty would be very welcome. I see so many pretty homes and manicured mamas, beautiful children in perfect outfits and posts about wholesome home cooked meals that it makes me want to puke. Nobody's life is that perfect and while we do know that people are selective about what they share it still paints an unrealistic picture of what mama-hood and parenting is like.
ReplyDeleteAlso, on the school thing. I was there when my boy reached school age and I had to acknowledge that not only was unschooling unsustainable for me, it was unhealthy. I've come to realise I'm a much better mama when I have time for myself and kindergarten saved my sanity. We did steiner education for the first 2 years and then public school after that and it has actually been great (I live in New Zealand). All my worries and fears were unfounded so PLEASE don't feel guilty about making that choice if that's what you decide. A happy mama = happy kidlets!
Thanks so much for this post. I have been following for a few years now and love your message. It's such a huge relief to know that you struggle too and things aren't perfect!!! I am devoted to my child and love her so tremendously much, but there are bad days too. Tonight was a mac and cheese night as well :) I stayed home with my daughter and then decided to put her in school. It was a heart-wrenching decision and I agonized and cried for months about it. But it was the best thing for both of us in the end. I have more balance and she has grown so much and become so much more social. We both have full days and then are so excited to see each other. So if you decide to go that route, it can be a wonderful experience. I wanted to share since I worried so much about it myself initially and it all turned out okay. It's a tough job being a mama. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteThanks Leigh! Great post! I love your blog and often marvel at your perfect mama skills. And even though you have "those days" you're still a fabulous mother! Whatever you decide to write about: good, bad, ugly, whatever! I'll be here.
ReplyDeleteThanks for being you.
"That I feel guilty for being bored while tending to three little kids and a load of housework all of the time." these words could not be more true for me, cleaning up the same mess day after day is mentally exhausting! today, I was pretty sure my kids were trying to kill me! ;) I'm a new reader and I really enjoy your blog.
ReplyDeletelong time reader, first time commenter...yes yes yes! to everything that you wrote today. i think that what you say is so true, especially when you are sharing your body with your little ones. you probably haven't had a day to yourself for a long time. i know you are feeling like you need to make some changes and so i want to share some advice that my husband has given to me on more than one occasion. i hear it in my head when i just think i can't take another night of nursing our number three. he always says, when you are feeling emotional, wore out or just plain fed up with life move a pawn. that is not the time to make major decisions. i think when you have had some time just for yourself and you get your reserves back that is the time to make big decisions. as for homeschooling...i honestly don't know how people do it...it defiantly isn't for me. blessings to you and your home. i think all of us mother's feel like we yell too much. <3
ReplyDeleteAh, Leigh.
ReplyDeleteYou have cleverly articulated the heart of many, and if you don't have a million replies to this post, well, you should.
Every mom struggles during the season of little children, because they feel that they will disappear in the abyss of crayons and diapers. When you serve little people for a long time, you can feel as if you are going to lose your soul.
Then our outlets - blog, Facebook, Pinterest - becomes the place where we connect to people over 5 years old, and we do tend to create a fantasy world. We pretend that people are interested in our mundane posts and we fantasize about all the things we would do on Pinterest if we have time but we never have time because we are always on Pinterest. We all want to be KNOWN, and then we feel conflicted when all there is to know about us is that we spend too much time in front of screens. We want to know and be known for beauty, and truth, and goodness, and all that is right in the world, but the sad truth is more seems to be wrong with us than right.
I admire you, because you have bravely placed your children in a place of priority and respect, and you are willing to give up your outlet if it means that they have privacy. Bravo! You are a leader. Would that many of us would follow your example to get out of our narcissism and do what's best for those around us.
I do see that our generation's trend has been to have more social connections than ever, without really being able to connect. Even at a table with one another, we are looking at our phones. My hope is that we will teach our children to look each other in the eye, have conversation, and learn the lost art of true communication.
Does that mean that I think you should stop blogging? I'm not sure. You have a beautiful soul, and a voice that needs to be heard. Our generation does not write enough. We need to read, and read, and read; and write, write, write. Whatever outlet you find to write, I do hope I'll be able to keep reading. Perhaps we should go back to the old-fashioned letter writing days?
I love your blog so so much. I am not yet a mother, but I know I will be in some shape or form, and I am so interested in your views and perspective on motherhood and birth. To be honest with you, I think you have shaped my own opinions in some ways in the time I've spend (silently, without comment) reading your blog. I discovered it about a year ago, but I dove right in, and one of my favorite things when I have some spare time is to look through the archives. I hope you continue! I am a pediatric nurse who once dreamed of being a midwife. I don't know where my life journey is gonna take me now, but there is something different about your blog that inspires me to imagine the possibilities.
ReplyDeleteMuch love.
Leigh, I've been a visitor here for many years and am endlessly grateful for the influence you've had on my parenting journey with my two small children (and my third any day!). I've enjoyed this beautifully curated space- the birth stories, breastfeeding photos, and quotes that spark intelligent conversation. But if I have to be honest, it's your personal story and perspective that I admire the most.
ReplyDeleteIt's easy for me to say that. Not having a popular blog of my own and getting to live my life in relative solitude does not make me experienced in these blogging matters. I don't know what it feels like to be so exposed, or what it is to worry if I'm sharing too much. For that reason I feel ill suited to give you advice, but I readily give you praise and an enormous amount of respect for allowing your audience a glimpse in to your life.
Whatever this space evolves in to, I'll be here. And if you decide to walk away, I'll still hold tightly to the lessons I learned and the ideas I was exposed to because of your bravery.
Love and luck to you and your family. :)
Leigh, I found your blog while I was on maternity leave and struggling with connection with my first child and the new role in which I found myself - full-time mother, full-time job, full-time spouse, no-time for me. I was having difficulty adjusting (it's definitely not perfect, but 14 months into it, I feel like I've found a place of comfort in most of my roles in life). I absolutely fell in love with your blog and for the honesty I felt in reading your posts and posts of other women in sharing their birth stories. In whatever capacity you choose, I hope that your blog remains active. I found comfort here on some tough days/weeks. It was also a great source of inspiration and reassurance as I was nursing/pumping while working - I made it to nearly 13 months before we stopped.
ReplyDeleteBut I do understand the concern about oversharing, especially as you can't really take it back once it's out on the internet. I have those same concerns about my son. I just have photos on Facebook, which I routinely cull and make sure my security settings are high. And I usually refrain from any meaningful discussions of him online - for his privacy and safety.
I hope you find the right fit for your blog and your life, even if that means it's the end or time for a break. Please know that I have immensely enjoyed following your blog, and I will continue to keep reading as long as you are posting.
Hi Leigh,
ReplyDeleteI've been reading your blog for years but don't think I've ever commented before.
I did once try to blog but felt that I couldn't balance my time and energy well enough to maintain it without missing out on 'real' life, so I can't offer advice or comment in that area.
What I thought was great about this post was that it applies to 'real' life and not just the blogsphere. How many of us portray a subtly sunnier image of ourselves and family lives to other women? I'm thinking of the times I've been with friends or other women and when asked how I am replied, "Great!!". I haven't said, "Well, actually, not great. I'm struggling with my toddler, my husband and if I'm really honest, myself". I don't know if this is just an Irish thing, but we are certainly brought up to just be 'fine' in every situation.
The one thing that keeps me going on really rough days has to be naptime. Those precious two/three hours when I can all but guarantee space for myself to do whatever I'd like within the confines of my home. Putting our son on a routine since birth was a choice I made because I knew I would need the predictability within the chaos. Even this parenting 'style' can become a front though, I hide behind my toddler's amazing sleep pattern and don't mention that I would sometimes love to break routine and just do something different. Just one time.
Be encouraged Leigh. You are not alone. We all struggle. Thanks for sharing and, hopefully, stimulating some vulnerability amoungst bloggers and mothers alike.
Ciara (Ireland)
this post is so perfect. and for reasons expressed here... i feel like i can't honestly respond in a way that conveys my true thoughts on the subject (at this point). maybe if i lived in New York and we were real-life friends, I'd ask you to lunch- my treat- and we'd have a hell of a good convo about this very topic. :) keep on doing what you do though. it makes a difference and your blog is one of those that i really enjoy reading daily.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful. A heart was laid out before me in your words here tonight. I will have to think about your concept of over-sharing more. It may change the way I write about our family online. Each year, we print off my blog as a family photo album. So, sometimes, I do share quite personal things. I go back and forth on making it private or not.
ReplyDeleteI don't know that I can add much to all the beautiful things already said. Just wanted to say that I've read your blog for several years and loved it. Thank you for your honesty. All the best to you in this time of ambiguity!
ReplyDeleteI enjoy your blog a great deal and would miss it if you stopped. If you changed your blog I am pretty sure I would still enjoy what ever your wrote about.
ReplyDeleteThis post has made me think deeper thoughts about the privacy of my kids in my own blog.
I have committed to posting one blog a week about our activities and since the birth of my 4th baby in April it has been very hard to stay motivated each week and I have also been on the verge of quiting. I strive to keep things positive but that isn't happening these days of summertime, wild boys and my lack of patience. I often hide somewhere in the house in order to bf in quiet. I am a pro at the walking bf
Hi Leigh,
ReplyDeleteDan just said that whatever you (the universal you) write about your own life is inherently fiction, a story. I don't know if this helps or hurts (like I wonder about so many of the things he says!).
What I fundamentally struggle with about being a mom is if I'm doing the right thing. Then something or someone (usually Dan) reminds me how boring and ridiculous a question it is. We are beyond good and evil. What do I -want- to do? That, for me, takes the most courage. Owning what I want and sticking up for it. Life is a kaleidoscope, and the infinite ways things are done is what makes it beautiful.
On my blog, I write what I want to say, and often, in the writing, learn something new or have some kind of breakthrough in site. I try not to teach, that becomes kind of tedious, and who am I? but sometimes I do, because I think it's partly in my nature, and that can be honored too. Sometimes when I write I approach it with a question and tell the story from that perspective. For example, when we crashed in the middle of nowhere, I consciously asked myself: how can I tell this story without making myself or Dan look bad? So, did I rosy it up a lot? Hell yes! But in doing so, I feel much better about what happened.
Everyone chooses everything in this life. So, Oskar chose me as his mom, knowing that every time I put him in front of a screen, it's because that's the best thing that could happen because violence would be worse, or pocoyo would do something that inspires him. Oskar chose a mama who likes to write and often over shares. He chose one who worked, then decided to stop working to spend more time with him. He chose one with wanderlust. He chose all these things because I am the one person in the entire existence of the universe through time and space who can best help be who he is meant to be. Whether it not it was intentional or by accident is just an adjective. I happen to prefer intention, control freak that I am.
That goes for Olympia too! And clearly it's not that I am the master of the universe: I wanted her born on the Farm, she had other ideas. She won, she always will, by definition. She chose the kind of mama who wants to explore the experience of trusting her kids. The testing and the proof.
I am an inconsistent blogger, both on the creating and consuming ends, but your blog is one whose address I always remember. Yours and Abbey's!
Because I want to: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't walk away from Marvelous Kiddo!!!!! PLEASE!
Mwah.
My dearest Leigh. Thank you, THANK YOU, for this post. I am so there with you, your words could have totally come straight out of my mouth. Wow! I love the honesty of this post. I am so relieved to know that you feel so many of the same things I feel. Because you are right, I think in the interest of shielding some more personal aspects of our lives, we bloggers fall into the danger of creating a skewed image of our lives, where all is well and well-handled. And it's not that it isn't true at times, it's just that it's only one side, the light side of the moon. And in celebration of what we feel passionate about, yes, we post about the good stuff, the things that make us (and others) happy. It reminds me of what a fellow graduate wrote in my college's Alumni Notes - we tend to only write in about the good stuff in our lives, which can feel isolating when you aren't in a good place in your own life.
ReplyDeleteI too struggle over sharing and protecting. I am not a fan of internet social networking spaces, and yet, I blog. I post photos, but I put a watermark on them to make me feel a little more protected. I don't use names. I don't even have a following, so not even sure why I blog, except that I feel the need to write, and LPP is my favorite subject, and I love looking back at past posts and reliving the memories. Which I could do in an "old fashioned" journal and photo album, right? But the world is so different now. I worry about whether it is fair to LPP to blog about LPP. Many times, I want to write truthfully about what I am going through, to be authentic and to get things out in a constructive, creative way. But I also don't want to lose sight of when I've revealed too much, because you can't really take it back. And I haven't been able to keep up my blog as religiously as you have managed to keep up yours (and thank you for that, that is quite an accomplishment). Some days I am just too busy or too tired. Some days I am struggling or depressed. And I just don't feel like blogging - or I do, but not the way I've been blogging, but instead the way you are talking about. But it can feel really risky, being exposed in that way.
Lately, almost every day at some point, I feel like I come up short in the mothering arena. I worry that I yell too much too. But some days, I don't know how else to get LPP to listen to me (and the yelling doesn't even really work for me). I lack confidence in my authority, and so, I think, he does too. I wonder some days if all of the different parenting books and methods are just scams to keep us all confused and searching for answers, which then fuels the publishing industry to come up with more books and methods. I don't know. But Leigh, I find you to be an inspiration. And as someone above mentioned, I think you successfully let loose in this post without revealing too much.
Thank you for opening up about the other side of the moon. I needed to hear it, to know that I am not alone. And neither are you!
Love,
Stephanie
Also, Denmark is considering outlawing circumcision. Let's discuss! ;)
ReplyDeleteUh! Yes - I've felt so many of these things. You're not alone ... I justify mac 'n cheese with it at least being the Annie's kind :) Sometimes the little things lessen my guilt enormously.
ReplyDeleteMIR is totally about reflection. Stopping and looking. Either by choice or because all other options fail. You're so apropos!
ReplyDeleteHi Leigh,
ReplyDeleteThank you for bringing up so many interesting issues – once again!
I too discovered your blog while pregnant and looking for knowledge, experience and support.
Now with a 6-month-old baby reading mama blogs has become an important part of my daily routine...some space for myself.
As a creative person and an artist I have struggled to find any time in the past months for myself to compose, write, play or just be with my thoughts. That's an on going issue which I may be interested in writing more on – motherhood and being professionally creative and how the two things collide. So, I can totally see how important your blog has been as an outlet for you and only for you.
At the same time, I have been vexed by the effect my blog reading has on me and my ideas of mothering, as I come from a gender studies background and see the normalizing that happens through the kinds of omissions mama blogs generally end up with. Even with this critical background, I find myself constructing ideals which are impossible to meet: I believe that all other mothers look fabulous all the time, they never feel tired and are always able to snap great shots of their beautifully decorated homes while tending fully to their kids...oh, and having great sex with their lovely partners of course...
I am also worried that the trend of blogging as a mother keeps us nicely away from writing about these issues in the more weighty media – the old dichotomy now once again helped by us...
And while these are serious issues, the support and ideas I have received from reading your blog outweigh the possible negatives for a reader. Please, take your time and find your way of communicating but know that it has done good for many a lady all around the world.
–astrid from finland
You are so amazing! As soon as I read the title I had a feeling what was coming! I was thinking "MIR" as soon as I began reading. I love your blog, and though I do not comment much, I come by often. It is such an incredible body of knowledge! You pretty much summed up so much of what I have been feeling right now, in this moment. I am endlessly searching for balance. I adore blogs, especially like yours, for the sense of connection.
ReplyDeleteI find that as a mother, everything is a challenge, every day is a challenge. It just doesn't end! There is never enough time or energy for everything! There is nothing perfect, I have learned, about motherhood. It is the embodiment of sacrifice, of putting someone else's needs and wants before your own for a very long time! It is my one true calling, and what I love more than anything else, but it definitely makes for a mess in my head sometimes!
I work form home, and do my best to not work while my kids are at home with me, so between late nights and help from my parents with babysitting, it is always challenging just to balance this. I am a person who craves silence and solitude, so the endless bickering between my boys can drive me batty on some days. But for the most part, just the sight of them is enough to make my heart explode, crazy with love. The noise also makes my head want to explode at times, and then when I have my silent solitude, I dream of having a third child. Is that insane?
So, blogs. I love them, and always find inspiration from them, but I know for the most part, they can show a censored reality. Who really wants to photograph their messy home, dirty hair, and dark under eye circles, and talk about how awesome these things are and put them on a blog for everyone to see? And for women with children, who have slaved over their homes to make them stunningly beautiful, spotlessly clean, tastefully decorated, and have perfectly coifed hair to boot, why wouldn't you want to put all of that on display? Life and motherhood just aren't highly stylized at every given moment! I take the "perfection" of certain blogs with a grain of salt. I do not expect the same of myself, all the while I thoroughly enjoy reading from the perspective of individuals who run them. The amount of things I have learned from blogs is just astounding!
Aside from my work, I also have a little etsy shop. It holds me accountable, and allows me to share my art in a small way, without the commitment of doing things like art festivals. I love the drive it gives me to create. Having actual time to be creative is nuts. I often have to put "do art" on my daily "to do" list just to force myself to try to at least do something creative for myself. Doodles on scrap paper count.
I've contemplated creating a blog for 5 years, and I don't think it's ever going to happen. I have blogged professionally for a variety of companies, but I just can never bring myself to do it for myself. I am absolutely terrified of the commitment it takes, and even more wary of sharing too much. So, with this I will end. Your blog is amazing, and I am definitely not sick of it! I guess you can see I have a lot to say, and a lot of thoughts on this topic! Thank you for this, and for sharing your feelings wisdom.
I feel you. My son is ten months old and it's funny how being a mother can be boring and exhausting at the same time. I like your blog, and I hope, you stay here with us. I find it hard to share the negative aspects of motherhood and familiy life on my blog, and I can see that it must be harder for you still, since you have all these pictures of them here, complaining to us about things that happen almost seem like a personal insult to your kids. But: We are on your side and the great thing about blogs once was, that people everywhere have the opportunity to share experiences. As a german reader, I can say that american blogs tend to be more positive and good looking than german ones. that is nice at first but then gets boring and blogs become itnerchangeable. The bad things are there, too, and they should be talked about.
ReplyDeleteI imagine that you could as people to write guestposts about certain issues that bother you, so as to not get too involved with your owm family - the way you do the birth stories.
Don't walk away, it's so nice to have you here.
Dear Leigh,
ReplyDeleteRest assured that your blog has reached at least one heart: mine. That it has been a ray of sunshine in my rainy days. And that you and your lovely family were a model for me.
Don't worry about having overshared. When I first discovered you, I thought it was pretty thoughtful, nice, misterious and clever of you to post only the initials of your dear men.
I trust you will eventually decide what's best for you and your family. As I've come to know you, you will (easily) move forward if the time has come to.
I'll miss your posts, I will, but I will imagine you took a sabbatical year from your normal life and flew someplace where you can put your writing skills to even better use: for a book that I hope to read one day.
Hoping that you find your inspiration, wherever it lies,
Love
Mioara, Romania
Hi Leigh, great post. I am long time reader, first time commenter (I rarely comment, still a bit scared of fully committing myself to the cyber world!). Yes, women and mothers all over the world are nodding in agreement at your predicament - ME TOO!
ReplyDeleteMy comment is about homeschooling. I have 3 children: now aged 7.5, 5.5 and nearly 2. I was homeschooled myself and knew I wanted to do this for my kids. But my husband is often absent for work and I just didn't think I could do it 24/7 on my own. So my eldest started school at age 5 in 2010, and my middle one was at preschool 2 days a week. They were both very happy, and I had my third child in August 2010 so I appreciated the break from 3 children on those school days!
But at the end of last year we decided to give homeschooling a trial year in 2012. I knew I would regret it if I never gave it a go. So...my middle child is still at his Montessori preschool 3 days a week, but the eldest has been at home this year (and the toddler too of course). We have really loved it and I hope to continue next year with all 3 kids, but I have to start working again next year so it will depend on what kind of hours I can get (as to whether we can continue to homeschool).
My advice is to do whatever you feel you need at the time. While you still have very young children, maybe your eldest could try school for a year or two? When you're ready, try homeschooling for a year or six months, and see how you go with it. Nothing is forever, you can call the shots.
A homeschooling mum made a great comment to me when I started out earlier this year. She said: "there will definitely be days when you think 'why the F*** am I doing this????!', but that's true of anything in life really!!!!".
All in all it has been a wonderful year so far for us (with plenty of pull-my-hair-out and mother-guilt moments along the way!). Much love, Ria
Feeling all of this too lately, so much. I feel like this post deserves a more thoughtful comment but the others have said similar sentiments. I'm trying as well, to figure out the how and WHY of this Internet sharing. I always enjoy your posts no matter the topic, and I don't think there's one right way to be or focus. Do what feels right. :)
ReplyDeleteWhat a great post! I think that a part of being a good mom is questioning what you are doing. Really, it is part of being a good "anything". The job of mom is a tough one, and we all need to just give ourselves a big hug and pat on the back.
ReplyDeleteMy biggest struggle as a parent is definitely the work/home balance. I feel like I don't always have enough time or focus to do both well. I have come to realize that there is little time or energy remaining to devote to my own creative outlets while my children are young, and have tried to make peace with this. Knowing that this time with them is fleeting helps keep this in perspective, but not always.
I love your blog. Thank you for writing and good luck with this struggle....you are not alone!
I've definitely been thinking about how much to share on my personal blog about my family now that I have a son. I've shared our birth story and I like to post updates for my family to read, but what about other people? I've decided there are a few things I won't share online, and when it comes to my son I'll only share things that I don't think he'd be embarrassed by one day or feel like was too personal to share. Parenting can be rough, so I'll share the times I struggle as a parent, but I know that as he gets older I'll have to carefully think about what I write - I want my blog to be something that he could feel comfortable reading, so while I try to be honest, there are many things I won't write about and some things I'll write vaguely about just because I want to protect my family, and heck, maybe I've shared too much already, but my blog is small and has few readers, so for now I'm not too worried, but if my readership were to ever grow, I may delete past posts or do some editing.
ReplyDeleteYes I am sick of blogs and reading blogs, and reading them rather than playing with my son. At the same time I love blogs and the feeling that other mothers are going through similar experiences. I can't imagine how hard it must be to also write a blog. Good luck with your struggle, I will keep reading! Laura,uk
ReplyDeleteleigh, i feel like i could've written this post. some of the things i'm most passionate about (exact same things you listed -- vax! circumcision! and i'd also add nursing! cosleeping!), i don't blog about in any serious form because they can be such hot-button topics. why do i care? i'm too sensitive for mean comments, i think. so i skip it. but don't i want parker to read one day how much i loved nursing him? even if a reader who didn't like nursing might take it personally? (this is why i keep a journal to him!)
ReplyDeleteand a love-hate with blog-reading? YES.
anyway, all that to say this was a good post. digging below the surface... it resonates with me and with everyone, i think.
Whoa, I feel like you just read my mind. I feel exactly the same. I totally get it. Just go with your gut. (and know that your blog would be so very missed!)
ReplyDeleteFirst, I'd like to congratulate that you think about your kids privacy. Everybody who does blogs or uses social media should decide for themselves and for their loved ones what to share and what not.
ReplyDeleteI really would miss the news about your kiddos, though. I am not a parent (by choice), but I like to follow all struggles you overcome and all joys you share. I hope you'll continue in one way or another.
Thank you for this. Your blog is so beautiful & inspirational - but it's refreshing to hear it's not perfect. You're human too, just like the rest of us. I hope you find the path that feels right!
ReplyDeleteI love your blog simply because it is eclectic and covers many of my own interests. And the posts are often short, so I actually have time to read them! However, when you post a longer post, I read those too. The topics you write about (ex., unschooling, attachment parenting) are of interest to me, and your words are so thoughtfully put together (like in this post). I have never gotten the impression that your life is "perfect" through what you post on your blog. I see someone who posts what she enjoys and what brightens her days. I respect your privacy and applaud you for your sensitivity to your kids' privacy. I don't have a blog, simply because I am too private of a person, but I enjoy reading (very few) other blogs. Yours is one of them.
ReplyDeleteI grew up in northeast NJ, in very close proximity to NYC, so I have loved your posts about NYC as well. I personally think that no matter what direction you choose to take with your blog it will be wonderful and will be just the right decision for you and your family.
Honestly, I think this is one of your best blog posts (have been reading for about 6 months). I often read your blog for a little escapism from the duality I occasionally experience as a mother of a 22-month old (and as someone who is also trying to finish a PHD). The images you present from your life and other blogs are beautiful and inspiring, but I must admit that at times the idyllic impression conveyed by many blogs makes me feel guilty for my feelings/thoughts, even though I know I am a good mother. Attachment parenting in particular (which I practice) is nearly always portrayed as wonderful, with the parents appearing to have boundless kindness, patience, and energy and an unwavering resolve to focus 100% on their kids. Attachment parenting needs to acknowledge how difficult it is to be such a parent, even when one is dedicated to this philosophy! Bravo on this post! And thank you!
ReplyDeleteThis is a really interesting topic that my husband and I have been discussing lately. We have always been very private, but since our son was born 6 months ago, I've enjoyed social media a lot more and would love to start a blog for our family and friends (many of them live out of state). My husband is anti--for all of the privacy reasons you described. I tried to keep posts anonymous, but they fell flat and I decided to delete the blog. It is a hard decision--but, the sacrifice might be worth it in the end.
ReplyDeleteI think you should hang in there and let the space evolve. I really enjoy the birth stories and the design stuff you link to. One thought would be to simply ask your childrens' permission to share stories, especially as they get older. I also think it's possible to blog about parenting without giving away too much information by making it about YOU and not necessarily about them. You can be vague in the details while being honest about your reaction or thoughts.
ReplyDeleteAnd I think it's okay to change your mind about homeschool/unschooling. Once upon a time, I wanted four children AND I was going to homeschool them. I have two now and I feel a little stretched so we're probably done now and my older one goes to preschool 5 mornings a week. I think that's okay.
Nancy
Hi Leigh, I've been a reader of yours probably since Jackson was a baby. I can't tell you how much you've opened my eyes and have helped shaped my opinions and beliefs when it comes to parenting. I once believed that it was inappropriate to breastfeed in public and attachment parenting was weird! After reading your blog I now feel the opposite and feel like I have learned so much. You've done a great job in raising awareness regarding these issues.
ReplyDeleteIt's also refreshing to hear that you do have the same bad days as everyone else and that sometimes things just don't go as planned. I think readers sometimes do forget that bloggers are real people too and go through the same struggles as everyone else. Joanna should interview you for her stay at home mom series!
I just wanted to say thank you for your posts and honestly, the hot button topics are my favorite, especially your "How do you like them apples?"
Chanele
Hi there. :) I just wanted to say how thankful I am for such an honest post. I read your blog a few times each week and as much as I love the breastfeeding art and interesting links, I have always wanted to hear more about your personal thoughts on parenting or little stories of your happenings in day-to-day life. :) But I totally understand about not wanting to share parts of your life that aren't wholly yours.
ReplyDeleteI think you could extract little tidbits from your day, thoughts or observations to share with the world without giving away too much. You are still your own person after all and you are living your own life as much as your children's. :) You need a place to discuss and vent and share things that fascinate and inspire you, even if it's not this blog, it should be somewhere.
Good luck. I will tune in either way, I really enjoy this blog. :)
So, I'll start off by saying that I have a baby girl of almost 10 months. When I first read your blog you had your first boy an just pregnant with the second. I instantly fell in love with your posts and your way of raising your son and I said to myself that this is what I want for my family too. I got pregnant and I gave birth and then, everything was different. She was crying like crazy, I did everything I knew and could but things were not looking good. And I saw your blog, 2 boys, another baby on the way, you were always so put together and smiling and happy, and I couldn't get a decent shower more than once a week. So I said to myself, well, this is it, having babies is not for me. My husband was exhausted too and had no idea how to help us get better at this parenting thing.
ReplyDeleteTime passed and things got better, muuuuch better :) We are all laughing, having fun, crying every once in a while, but we don't panic any more and things are starting to fall into place.
My husband and I have a blog together, I do the deco part and he does the rest, or did, becauase we haven't been active for a loooooooong time, since I got pregnant. We used to have anotehr blog where we said almost everything about us, and so, part of our friends would stop calling and said that they read about us, so they know what we are up to. Than it hit us: it's not cool to post about our life.
So, when I read you blog, as I said, I fell in love. I love the photos, stories and everything and I truly thought that you have the perfect family: no tantrums, no yelling, no fighting, a lot of time for each other, and so on.
My point: if you want t continue writing about you, your life, you should write about your anxieties and the "ugly" parts that exist in everyone's life, because I literally felt bad, and I was trying to relate to other moms that I liked, even though I didn't know, but I couldn't.
In time, I found moms with the same issues and it all got better, but, if you want to have a blog about family, parenting and all that, I thing that you should talk about the downs in your life.
Obviously, I still love reading your blog and I am kinda bummed that you don't post as much about Hazel, but, on the other hand, I know how you feel about exposing everything. It's really tricky, and, anyway, I have to ask, when do you get the time to post anyways, because I feel like the days could use a couple more hours so that I can get everything done :)
If all this blog EVER is is beautiful breastfeeding images and inspiring birth stories, then that is ENOUGH! I think there is a place for that and that it's an important place! And i will continue to send pregnant friends here forever.
ReplyDeleteI think your blog is wonderful and I love the posts that you do share. But I can understand where you are coming from...wanting to always 'fit the mold' of your blog and the parenting ideals you set in your mind and heart. But in life sometimes we don't fit our molds perfectly and there are "overlaps" and shortcomings and there are just days when things fall apart. That's life though and that's normal and sharing how you get through and finding a community (weather via a blog or a playgroup, or whomever) and expressing ourselves, our ideals and our little stumblings is how we make it work. It's how people find a sense of meaning and solutions and peace with what they are wanting to do and what they are actually doing.
ReplyDeleteI think you need to find the balance of how much you want to share in order to get that satisfaction from sharing without feeling like you are over sharing or taking away something that you feel should be private or sacred to your family and children.
I love coming to this space and seeing all the beautiful things you post...because these things matter to me and I think it goes without saying that a blog is a creative outlet and there are many things that are left out of a life on a blog. But I think you are looking to be more real in this space and need to find the right balance.
Thanks for this post. Sometimes these things just need to be said, no matter how much we all just want to escape to fantasy land at times.
ReplyDeleteSomething that truly disheartened me: I recently joined a Down syndrome board on Babycenter.com. I am pregnant and 40 and have an 11 year old with Down syndrome and autism. If this child has DS as well, we know what to expect. This board was for parents of babies and pretty young children with DS. I thought I could give them the perspective of a mom who has "been there, done that" and was looking forward to helping with advice or a shoulder, or whatever.
Instead, what I saw were parents posting over and over about the immense fear they had over their child's future, the older children, teens, and adults they would eventually become. They would post these sad stories that they have heard or seen about people with Down syndrome, and the things they did, trouble they had, delays that were evident, etc. One mother begged to be shown blogs that had only positive stories of older people with DS. Some parents were slowly coming to the realization that maybe their child would actually NOT be able to attend a typical college, get married, drive a car like some people who have DS. Maybe some of their children WOULD be severely delayed. They were so fearful their beautiful child would turn out like THAT one day.
It immediately bothered me, but took me a while to articulate to myself what it was exactly that disturbed me so much. After all, I understood. Didn't we all feel that way when our babies with DS were still tiny? But it was this:
The very thing they feared was having a child like MY son.
It chokes me up even now to type that. Ben is not a typical kid with DS. He was dx with autism when he was 7, still wears diapers, and we still have to clean up poop off the floor sometimes. He is on medication for aggressive behavior, and shrieks as loud as he can just to hear himself. Summer breaks from school seem to last a lifetime. No therapist seems to be able to know what to do with him, so we are on our own in many ways. It's hard to maintain meaningful adult friendships.
Life can be hard. But no one said this walk was going to be easy. But is it worth it? YES.
I am thankful I have a strong marriage. My husband is a great Dad, lover, hard worker. I am very lucky to be on this journey with him. We have two other children who are sweet, smart, empathetic, and will grow up to be someone who loves people with special needs. They love their brother, even when it is hard. They understand that Ben loves them too. I am able to have a creative outlet for myself and have a little business of my own doing pottery. I love it, and it gives me a sense of self worth outside of being a momma. Ben, despite all the delays, behaviors, and frustration, has so many positives that get buried in the stress of a bad day. His favorite thing to do is cuddle on the couch. He is smart in his own way. He figured out how to work the iPad within a single day. He has the custest chortle. He loves to travel. He has some really great days, and we are very proud of him.
But this is my life. Some days suck big time, and some days are just a grind, and some days are wonderful. This might be any of our lives...if not Down syndrome and autism, than some other challenge perhaps. This life has taught me to be more selfless, patient, more understanding of others challenges, and how to be a tough advocate. I wouldn't trade these lessons for anything.
I may have just gone off on a tangent, but I guess what I mean is, when you read a blog that is nothing but shiny, positive, and everyone is always stylish and smiling...I think it can be damaging to vulnerable moms in a tough place and thinking that life should be just like that and they are doing something horribly wrong. I love the pretty blogs too, but love them even more when I see crusty booger noses once in a while.
You do sound humanly adorable, Leigh. You do a great job. It's a pleasure to read your posts (I'm not really into technology and I can't even remember how I found you but that was luck)I'm quite older than you and I felt so hard to cope with maternity that I never dared to have a second baby (and now it's too late I regret it) I should think the way you are feeling is because of this Earth rather than Mercury. Marvelous earthly human being. Thanks. XO
ReplyDeleteLeigh, thank you for this post. I have to confess...altough I am a huge fan of your blog, I took a break from it recently because I felt I was comparing my life/achievement/family/reality,etc. to yours. It felt unfair fpr me to judge and project. Your life seemed so together. Mine was a losing battle of unwashed dishes, sleepless nights with the kiddo and a crappy job. Today is the first time I have visited your site in a couple of months and this is the first post I see. Thank you for sharing. I know we all have our frustrations. Life is messy and things are never as they seem. This post felt like a good long hug from you to us and in as much as it can be from me to you in my reply. Much needed and extremly appreciated. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteAt what point in our lives do we as women decide that motherhood means automatic superwoman? Where are these ideas stemming from and why is there such a silent voice about its realities? Is it because if the truthful challenges come forward as "normal" we fail our kids? What is it that we fail? I try hard to fall into that mindset, but it isnt easy. Thank you just being honest. I have had several awkward moments when I have voiced some current challenge and have received a look of shame from other women. The reality is that we are all going to fall short of our own expectations just on the simple fact that there is just so much we can do. I'm just tired, ok?
ReplyDeleteI can't seem to raise musically talented, organic only feed homemade food, literary, well behaved in all public spaces, drive me to my latest activity, creative space in my home craft time, stop fighting with your brother, sleep well through the night, clean up your room kids without some screaming once in a while. Oh and yes, somehow my kids now watch spongebob...to my horror? My goodness they are quiet for 30 minutes straight. Now I love spongebob too :)
Hi Leigh, I think your readers have made some lovely points and obviously you have a lot of love from around the world being directed at you!
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to say that I've really never felt that you've misrepresented your reality, in that I just always assumed that you kept some things private. Yours is literally the only blog that I read, and it's because you don't make me feel inferior (or, in truth, like puking) from the sheer "perfection" of your life. I've been visiting regularly for a few years now and your writing and selections from the web (a landscape I have always found completely overwhelming) always make me feel happy, inspired, and have led me to think about many different things in many different ways, not always the way you possibly think, but that's the point, right?
If you did write more about those hot-bed topics I would probably agree with some and disagree with others, but I think that the way you write and present ideas is so gentle and thoughtful that it wouldn't bother me either way. I've always felt like a bit of a contradiction in terms (a hippy who doesn't really like hippies, an "attachment parenter" who can't stand the term attachment parenting and doesn't adhere to all of its codes etc etc) so I'm used to being at odds with the things I love!
It's great that you are conscious of the enormity of making your life public, and I hope you can find a balance there. At least your kids aren't Jolies or Cruises or anything - now that would be a difficult line to walk! I'd love to hear about Hazel's entrance to the world, but if not, that's totally cool, we 'll be happy reading other people's stories too..
I think you're doing a fab job. :-)And my 2yo little lady has just started watching In the Night Garden most nights, it has changed my life... Getting me through these last few weeks of pregnancy number two. And she loves it! If she's happy, I'm happy.
x
Well, after reading my comment again, I just wanted to make it clear that I didn't think your blog was one of the fake shiny ones that depresses vulnerable women! lol I adore reading the birth stories and seeing all the breastfeeding art. I hope you keep posting for a long time. :)
ReplyDeleteSo many excellent comments that I agree with wholeheartedly... I've been reading your blog for years. In fact, yours was the first blog I ever tuned in to, and it was YOU who introduced me to many of the other blogs I now consistently read, the parenting style I try to follow, and to babywearing. Thank you. In referring others to your blog, I never leave out how much I admire you. Thanks as well for the peak behind the curtain. Although I knew you were no wizard, it's easy to assume you have it all put together and figured out where I don't. It's actually nice to be able to relate to you as a real mama with boys that fight, dinners that don't get made along with the beds, and doubts about homeschooling. I'm right there with ya'.
ReplyDeleteI was going to comment the other night but I was, ironically, too overwhelmed. There are times I lie awake wondering if blogging about my family is the best OR The Worst decision I ever made.
ReplyDeleteI find that I deplete myself of "me" time and then get frustrated and down. I am taking it back here and there by reading more books and not being online at night. I do find the less I'm online the happier I am. But I love to blog. So I will keep on doing what I love. It's a cycle...
Steph
Dear Leigh,
ReplyDeleteI wish you the best with navigating your blog, which has always been lovely. I have a Tumblr blog and it has always been very personal place as I wrote honestly about marriage, mothering, and children. My oldest is now almost seven, and this past year it became clear to me that I no longer wanted to put her out on the Internet as I once did. For some reason, when they are babies it seems less a problem.
I have stopped blogging here and there and always return to it; but upon returning I eventually always end up asking, "why am I doing this"? I think blogging can offer a sense of community in part, and if it does that is wonderful. It offers less community for me than previously, and I continue to go back and forth with my feelings toward it. Best to you, Suzanne
I'm totally new to your blog and love the honesty in your writing. Yes I'm sick of all the blogs that give the impression that peoples lives are perfect.
ReplyDeleteI too have guilt about the lack of attention my kids get because of my need to not be bored being a stay at home mum.
Love your blog and appreciate you reminding me that I am not the only one that struggles sometimes at being mom...my most favorite thing about me.
ReplyDeleteI think you just read my mind/snuck into my life. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteI have been feeling many of the same things you have. Not connected, too connected to the unimportant things in life (blogs, technology). I just wanted to share what helped me, since I was SO sick of reading blogs, but addicted at the same time;)
ReplyDeleteI cut my list in half, then in half again. There was a time I was regularly reading 30ish blogs. Now, I only have 8 of my very favorite, inspiring, positive blogs. What I realized after I cut most of them out is that I didn't miss them at all. In fact, I forgot about most of them.
Now, I read my few daily blogs and I'm done with it for the day. I can get up from the computer & know that I won't need to check back in 10 times during the day to see if XYZ blog has been updated. And honestly, it's very freeing.
In reality, there are a lot of pretty blogs out there, but if we edit it down to our very favorite, uplifting, inspiring blogs, we don't feel nearly as weighed down by the 'perfectness' that many of these blogs portray.
I still have a long way to go to help with the guilt I feel daily for not being a perfect mom, but this one trick helped me immensely in freeing up my time.
thank you.
ReplyDeleteIt's good to have a truthful self-evaluation every once in a while. I come to your blog to see the beautiful maternal artwork you showcase, not necessarily to read about your motherhood journey and its joys or frustrations. Of course you post your personal photos every now and again, but I don't think of this as a personal blog. Sometimes it does feel "unfeeling and too sanitized"- maybe if you're feeling this way it's the universe nudging you to share your story because you can be a source of encouragement to other mamas. Who knows. Wait until MIR is under control and reevaluate. :)
ReplyDeleteVeralynn
joiedeveralynn.blogspot.com
The best! I have been thinking a lot about all of this and how hard it is to walk that privacy line. Thanks for this.
ReplyDeletexox Lilly
I have a one month old, and I already relate to this. :) I have a blog and sometimes I do worry about over-sharing. I only use the baby's first name (so far) and I try to keep my husband out of it as much as possible. My blog is about making the transition from singer/musician to mom/singer/musician. (wayoutmama.wordpress.com if you care to check it out). I've only posted a few times since the birth... and I will start gigging again this month, so it should get interesting. Now if only I can find time between feedings, changing diapers, doing dishes, etc. and practice to write more.
ReplyDeleteI just came across your blog via a friend on Facebook. It's excellent. Thank you for being HONEST. It's so hard to shut out the "I'm perfect" moms (they ARE full-o-crap!), so thanks for sharing your life... The more people who do, the more we will all be empowered to be confident in our own non-perfect parenting. :)
This is my first time visiting, and I love your honesty and the way that you're honoring your family in being so purposeful about what you choose to share and not share. It can't be easy, but it's refreshing to hear someone talk about it candidly and care enough to give a second thought <3 Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteLeigh- just found your lovely blog via Joanna. Your writing is incredible, I can't wait to devour all your posts! You honesty is so refreshing, too. I'm not a mom, but I can imagine as your kids truly become people it can feel hard or maybe even wrong to write about them so openly. Yet at the same time, writing in that way can be the exact release that you need. I'm certainly not tired of your blog (!), but I applaud you for saying that you might be- or at least that you're feeling a little unsure of how it fits into your life now. Makes me think about how I need to be a little more honest with the things I want and don't want for my life in relation to my blog, and how I need to be better about actually following through on those things.
ReplyDeletehi Leigh,
ReplyDeleteI've been reading your blog since J was a baby, and I have loved it each week since. I've learned SO much about parenting, and different birthing perspectives. You are a WONDERFUL writer with such a way with words... I've never once felt like you were preaching or bragging or showing off. I love the love on your blog, and love the small community of commenters too, although I don't comment terribly frequently myself.
Just last week I found out I'm pregnant with my first baby (that was the first time I typed "I'm pregnant". Anyway, I selfishly am asking that you keep blogging, even if its very sporadic! i know that is a selfish request though, and appreciate and understand that with three children, something has to give sometimes! Whatever you decide to do, will be best. But know that there are a lot of women reading your blog who are learning from you, and that there is not an expectation for things to be perfect... we'd go to Martha Stewart for that.
I've been reading for a long time and really appreciate this post. While I know no one "has it together" many blogs make me think that people do, and it is just me who isn't fully engaged with my kids, would rather sometimes just be on the computer, makes freezer pizza for dinner, feels tired at work and just wants to go home and then goes home and just wants to go back to work (sometimes). All this to say, I love the beautiful breastfeeding pics, the pictures of good food, the ideas and discussions about unschooling, but I also like little snippets here and there of "real life" and that it isn't all sunshine and rainbows. A few other blogs I read have done similiar things of late and I find it real and refreshing. Good luck with your choices. I will keep reading.
ReplyDeleteHello. I am brand-new to your blog. I got here from Cup of Jo. I am also really new to the blog world. (I've blogged about the instant mac and cheese!) But I have thought and felt and done all those things that you talk about. I am so glad to know that others have the same questions. There is so much that could be shared...but do we dare? I'm not saying anything new here that you or the previous posters haven't said already. Just count me in as one of the crowd. Hooray for being normal! I will definitely be back to read more. :)
ReplyDeleteIt is always such a huge relief to hear other women share the hard parts of being a mom, so thank you for that! I feel less isolated to know I'm not alone in the trials (& triumphs!) of parenthood. I think there will always be that struggle as to what is best for you and what is best for your children. It's a hard road, knowing what's right, and even on my worst days I try to remember to just love my kiddos as hard as I do and the other stuff will work out.
ReplyDeleteLovely post. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your ever so human post. We live in such a judgmental society that puts so much pressure on parents to be perfect, and NEWSFLASH: we're not perfect. Thank you again. I love your blog it is always a highlight in my day when I read it.
ReplyDeleteLeigh,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for getting real here in this last post. I have unsubscribed (recently) from many of the mothering blogs I used to follow rabidly because I just can not take any more "perfect". I just had my second child - and having a 3 year old and a 4 month old leaves me feeling like a failure at the end of most days. The blogs I was following were only adding to that feeling of being "less than" as a partner, mother, and woman.
I have always appreciated your blog as a creative outlet and I love the pictures and art that you post. However, I have to say, this post is the best thing I've read in a while.
THANK YOU.
I look forward to following you wherever the future leads.
Hi there,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this post. I have two kids, 6 and 3, and I so often feel all of the ways you describe. I feel like I yell too much, and my kids also eat a lot of mac and cheese.
I started a blog of my own that I have I struggle to keep up with, though it is a wonderful outlet for me. But finding the time, and the energy and the focus, it's SUCH a struggle. I have followed your blog and truly found inspiration, and I appreciate you saying that some days are hard for you, too. Because I find myself wallowing in self-pity often, wondering how these other amazing blogs get done so beautifully? How do they find the time?
So, thank you again. I will continue to read your blog as long as it exists! And I wish you luck with everything.
moirahaupt@wordpress.com
I just found your blog via Cup of Jo and have been spending my working hours reading through your archives. I have a 10-month-old, work full time, and my husband is a stay-at-home-dad. I hate my job and I hate being away from my baby, but I am the only one with income at the moment. I admit that I spend too much of my work day reading parenting blogs. Ever since I found yours, I have been checking the 'mainstream' ones much less. I love seeing the positive perspective on breastfeeding and birth on your site. It would be a real shame to see you go! Easy for me to say, of course, I'm too private to post updates to facebook or even sign my real name here ...
ReplyDeleteI do love coming to your blog even though I am not a Mom yet. I have really admired your style and taste in things as well as your overall approach to being a mother. I know you love art...if you are looking as an outlet to be more creative maybe balance your blog out with some being about motherhood and some being about you as a person. It might be a nice escape for you to be creative and blog about things you love that are not Mommy related and I am sure people would love to get to know you more as a person. I think it would be great to see more of the other kinds of art you like as well as clothing or maybe more about stories of your own childhood.
ReplyDeleteLeigh,
ReplyDeleteI've been following your blog off and on since I got pregnant with my now-14-month-old, but have been more "off" lately (here and other blogs I used to frequent) because I'm finding myself wanting more reality from the blogs I read -- not that I'm looking for pessimism and negativity, but it can be hard to read post after post about people's amazing adventures and see pictures of their beautiful lives in their magazine-worthy houses and then look at my messy, tiny house in a small, not-much-going-on town and start comparing my seemingly very boring life to theirs. So thank you for owning up to the mac and cheese, and the TV, and the frustrations of being a mom at home with little kids to feed and clothe and tend to. And I hope you find a way for this blog to become something that is fulfilling for you again -- because having a creative outlet is such an important soul-saver in this hard journey called parenthood, isn't it?
hi leigh! long-time reader, first time commenter here. i wanted to tell you that i am in the midst of organizing a mother-artist panel discussion at the school of visual arts set to take place sometime this october. we are still in the preliminary planning stage, but i couldn't wait to tell you about it as i feel what you are talking about in this post will be a big part of the discussion. 6 visual artists managing their demanding creative careers while raising their children--how they literally juggle it all while devoting the time and energy it takes to pursue their passions. i am interested in an honest discussion
ReplyDeleteof what the realities of their individual situations are like. i thought it might be something you would be interested in attending. please let me know and i would be happy to send you more detailed information as things firm up. and thank you for your blog. i always find something inspiring when i visit you here.
love, cathleen
swingsandarrows.blogspot.com
oh, yes. i get this.
ReplyDeleteLet's face it: I am not a very consistent blogger like you are. Why? Because I think I have the same issues writing my blog than dealing with my life! It's just TOO eclectic, all over the place!!
ReplyDeleteThey are blogs that are more "children/mommy related", others that focus on arts, design, food, travels, and some others written by great serious intellectual writers who don't get why people like us display our life on the internet.
Sometimes I want to talk about the short story I am working on, sometimes it's about my baby boy (more like a photo bomb!) sometimes it's inspiration... but it's never ONLY ONE thing. It's everything because my life is about everything. Why should we write things that don't reflect honestly our lives? What's the point of doing it, then? Because blogs are so... out there! People are gonna judge, think this or that about you. Have an opinion about who you are according to what you are willing to show. Blogging was made to let people, anybody really, express themselves and reach to others. But it's sometimes more - or less - than that. It's not from you to them anymore, it's from them to you.
I don't know if I am clear, I am French and my English is not perfect.
Anyways... Good Luck!
Dear Leigh,
ReplyDeleteI had stopped following your blog because it was making me feel inadequate.
THANK YOU for this post.
I don't follow a lot of blogs however yours is my favourite so I was surprised when I realized that I needed to stop reading it because it was upsetting me. I wondered how you can nurse 3 kids, co-sleep, run a house, home-school the kids, take pics in different outfits, and somehow still adore your husband.
If you can, keep this blog going.
I can directly attribute my home birth to you. I've chosen slight different routes in life (part time work, kids in Montessori) however I've always felt we had similar core beliefs. I have 2 boys the same age as yours so you are my measure of time and journey into motherhood.
My vote to is keep this blog alive but post what you want, when you want. A little dose of reality amidst the usual beauty of the blog might be therapeutic for us all.
Count me in.
Kara
Hello! This is my first time commenting, but I have been reading your blog for about 8 months or so. After my second child (I have two boys aged 6 and 4) I was asking my mother just exactly how she was able to raise four children on her own. (I am third in family of four girls). She replied with a quote a doctor relayed to her in her early nursing days which was, "Anytime you are in a household with more than one child under five, consider it a state of emergency at all times." When I became overwhelmed with sleep deprivation, or sensory overload or just plain running after two toddlers I try to remember those words. I love my children more than anything and love being a mother. It has been the best thing and the most challenging thing I have done in my life, but darn it sometimes its all I can do just to survive! Please keep on writing your blog. I love your corner of the blogosphere. And I have no judgement as to what you choose or choose not to write about. Write about whatever you please and ignore the critics. I admire you that you have come this far. xoxo
ReplyDeleteI've been meaning to comment on this post for a week (or so? I've lost track of time!) I really admired you before and now I do even more. I just have one babe and I love being a mom! But there are also hard days and it's nice to know other moms go through that. I don't have a lot of friends with kids and I only have one close friend who is nursing but it's so great because we are both such a great support to each other. Well anyway, thanks again for writing this. I pray for patience and I feel like when I have it our day goes a lot better. Take care!
ReplyDeleteHi Leigh,
ReplyDeleteI have been a long time reader, but recently gave it a break because I felt like you were too perfect. Not even human! I think I was just feeling inept or something- I am a full time mom to my son and 8 months pregnant, scared of what the next birth and the next few months/years will bring. I do get so sick of the mommy blog universe, as if every mom in NYC knows some secret that I don't know. I'm grateful to know (as I did suspect!) that you ARE human and you are covered in poop like me. And that sometimes you yell, and resort to technology/TV and still live to tell about it. It makes it that much easier for me to relate- motherhood is such a journey and we've only just begun really! Thank you for your blog and for sharing whatever you can.
This post just made my day! Thank you thank thank you
ReplyDelete