In the wake of yesterday's New York Times article about home birth, the topic of home birth has taken the blogosphere by storm. Of course, many of the natural-birth activism/midwifery blogs are all over it, but because this was such a high-profile news piece I have noticed conversations sparked in less-expected corners of the internet. Places like a Glamour Magazine sex-and-relationships blog, a pop culture site, and a home decor site.
I am glad to see much-needed attention being given to the issue of birthing options, and conversation is a good thing. However, I have been appalled by some of the ferociously hostile words coming from women aimed at women who choose to have home births. Take for example an excerpt from a post that went up on Jezebel today, authored by someone not at all keen on the concept of being subjected a home-birthing neighbor's supposed "caterwauling":
"...if you choose to give birth at home in the apartment above mine, you have to accept my choice to leave a steaming bag of dog poo in your mailbox."
These vitriolic comments are not coming from people within the medical establishment, in fact their comments betray an outright ignorance of medical fact to go along with their bile. Take for instance these words from popular decor blogger Decorno, who envisions hospitals to be havens of happy hour, apparently:
"This kind of back-to-roots childbirth business is a load of crap. To my future baby: Momma will have you with some drugs in her. Deal with it. Immediately following birth, she will ask the doctor to grab her compact and her Chanel lipstick and will re-apply before ordering a cocktail. You will not be born in an inflatable pool, nor in Queens. These will be the two ways in which I reassure you that I actually love you. Welcome to the world. Love, Your Mother. Now hand me my cigarettes..."
That one is so out there you actually have to kind of smirk. And indeed, I realize that Decorno was probably shooting for laughs when she wrote that. And it's not that I don't have a sense of humor -- one of the reasons I frequent Decorno is the always cheeky wit -- what gets me is that this woman is so anti-home-birth that she didn't even read the Times article before she got her panties in a wad and posted negatively about it on her blog!
Granted, everyone has a right to blog what they choose to blog on their own blog. And everyone has a right to form their own opinions about this and any other important topic. But what disturbs me is the utter irresponsibility of people like this as women, basically hating on other women's right to give birth outside of a hospital setting. I just don't get that. And what's with the viciousness? I can't help but be sad, thinking about how threatened most people are by the idea of really talking about the female body, reproduction, and the natural processes surrounding the way we all arrive on the planet: birth.
UPDATE, 11:39 pm: After posting this and leaving what I felt to be an incredibly respectful and generous comment on the Decorno post quoted above, it seems that Decorno and her readers now find me "humorless." What do you think?
Photo of my home birth, by Liz Rubincam.
Oh yes, disturbing but not surprising. Wherever there is light, darkness is sure to follow.
ReplyDeleteThose are some pretty awful comments. Personally, after my hospital experience, I can't believe anyone ever goes back. I was told I wasn't actually in labor for ten freakin' hours of the most awful pain I've ever experienced. When the doctor finally came in I was 8 centimeters. What exactly did that nurse think labor was? If that's the way they train nurses, I don't want to be at the mercy of one the next go round.
ReplyDeleteI read the post you left under mine on Decorno and I totally agree with you. I think its pretty shitty that some bloggers would through that negativity out there when they haven't even had a baby! Education is the key and if you want to have drugs, you should educate yourself regarding both sides. Geez.
ReplyDeleteI tried to have a home water birth with my first and ended up a hospital transport after 5 hours of pushing. My second was born in a birthing center in a hospital, but my third? At home! Yay for homebirths!
~Z
I meant THROW.
ReplyDeleteLeigh,
ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree more. After reading the first 50 responses to the article, I had to stop. Most of them made me sick to my stomach. I was really shocked by the nastiness coming from other women.
I am training to be a doula and will be returning to NYC next weekend for my remaining classes. I was excited after my first class a few weeks ago, but now I'm actually afraid to let people know what I'm doing or even read my doula books on the train. I had no idea how much negativity there is towards home birth.
In the last year I have discovered "Spiritual Midwifery," "The Business of Being Born," and your blog. Upon seeing and reading them, I thought: finally, people out there like me...people who see birth as something beautiful (and I've never had children). It is because of all three that I decided to become a doula.
I really believe that how you come into this world affects how you see and experience it. I know that the negative responders would write me off as a naive hippie for saying that, but I am not.
Thank you for taking the time to write this blog. It's the first thing I check each morning and it keeps me informed on the latest home birth articles. I even told the women in my doula class about it.
First time on your blog and I must say: usually when I stumble upon a new site I don't have the patience to go throu emotional & overtalked posts but you just kept me reading. Cheers!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThat is one of the most beautiful photos of a home birth I have ever seen.
ReplyDeleteSo leave your comments on Decorno and Jezebel.
ReplyDeleteDon't huddle here muttering "Those girls are so mean!"
I thought you want to educate people. Go where the education needs to be done.
Having never had a baby or been pregnant, it's hard for me to weigh in on whether I'd want to have a home birth or a hospital birth. But I find it interesting that there is so much vitriol directed against it. What's the big deal? It's a personal choice, based on a woman's preferences and her particular pregnancy. I imagine there are lots of reasons why women decide to have their babies in a hospital, but one hopes that they made that decision having weighed all of their options - including home birth.
ReplyDeleteI laughed when I read Decorno's post, which is what I think she was going for (as you mentioned in her comments section). If she'd like drugs and a ciggie, cheers to her. But it's great that women have a range of options now - my feeling is that we should celebrate our right to have babies on our own terms.
Wow. I have been out of the blog world (sort of) for a couple of days now, so I missed all the talk about the NYT article. I will simply never understand why women attack each other on this (and so many other) extremely personal subjects. I LOVE that some women choose to have their babies in a tub at home. What's the problem??
ReplyDeletep.s. I had both my babies in a hospital but without drugs and some women can barely speak to me about it! I think they feel very threatened or something. I do not understand. Sorry, I realize I'm just rambling now.... better go to bed.
ReplyDeleteIn my experience and education on childbirth (1 hospital birth au natural, not even an IV), I realized that most of the 'education' offered to pregnant women is coming from a paranoid lawyer at HMO hdqtrs. Seriously speaking, the majority of women have no idea that drugs illeviate pain and are then likely to send them down the spiral of medical interventions that could take weeks, months, years to recover from. What I was taught is that an epidural = painless childbirth. No one ever mentioned the nasty side of it to me - the hospital policies that come along with breaking your water and inductions. I've tried to educate my pregnant friends using Ina May's book, another titled Pushed, and another chronicling the history of birth - but I've been rebuffed by the ignorance is bliss theory. I think women today are just overall more comfortable trusting someone with an MD than realizing the responsibility of the birth of their child and the health of their own bodies is actually in THEIR hands - it can be overwhelming. Ok, rambling - I have a 9 mo. old and very little sleep here - but my point is - women have forgotten that their own bodies can birth a baby and heal itself in a much safer and uncomplicated way than an MD can.
ReplyDeleteI personally didn't think Decorno's comment was really hurtful. In fact when I saw it, before I read all of your post, I praised her for having the courage to post someone's else critique of her own work. If she felt slighted (which I wouldn't have) she handled it well.
ReplyDeleteI thought you did as well, really. It's just a charged issue. No reason anyone should feel bad.
Since you asked, yes, you are humorless.
ReplyDeleteWow Mamacita, how incredibly thoughful of you. You should go back to Decorno with the rest of the hateful ones.
ReplyDeletei am confused
ReplyDeletei don't care how you want to have your baby - but I do care if you are screaming in the apartment above mine without clearing it with me first
just because I am a woman does not mean i want to listen to you give birth while in the comfort of my own home.
puh - leeze
and yes, I think you are humorless because Decorno is snarky, so of course she is gonna say all that stuff
Decorno calls herself snarky because it sound nicer than bitchy, she's like the lead girl in Mean Girls. Im surprised they all have not come over here throwing beer bottles and what not.
ReplyDeleteHumorless? No, Leigh, you are not humorless. You are impassioned about a subject that you have chosen to treat with the gravity and reverence that it deserves.
ReplyDeleteI agree. I have never seen so many anonymous comments as I do on decorno's blog. I think she writes them herself lol. I used to read it all the time until a few months ago.There is a fine line between being snarky and hateful but I think she has found that so many people will come to watch and cheer if you start someone on fire.
ReplyDeleteno, you're not humorless at all! you are wonderful and totally open to all choices. it's so strange how people feel so strongly about wanting women to do what they think is best, instead of being open. it's so strange that a week after obama was elected and so many people joined and celebrated together, that women can't stay open and supportive of each other's personal choices about our own bodies. i find your openness, sweetness and honesty absolutely refreshing.
ReplyDeleteHere Here, Joanna! I couldn't agree more.
ReplyDeleteEven though the state of birth in this country is nothing to laugh about, I don't think you're humorless. Keep up the good work.
ReplyDelete*sigh* It all just breaks your heart, doesn't it?
ReplyDeleteThe way women attack other women for personal choices around birth and reproduction just blows my mind.
By the way, Decorno seems to have deleted her response to you, or whatever it was that you linked to in your edit above. I just clicked over and landed at an error page.
Yay, another birthy blogger! I'll add you to my blogroll too.
ReplyDeleteAnd yeah, it still shocks me that people can be so downright hateful about someone else's birth choice. But ya know what they say: people are afraid of what they don't understand. And people usually cover up feelings of fear with displays of anger. If they weren't getting worked up over homebirth, they'd be breeding hate over something else. Meh.
What we have here is a culture war. Leigh, you deserve more praise for raising awareness on this topic. Having gone through the hospital experience and knowing that so many other women were displeased and shocked by the intrusive, often cold, treatment at hospitals, it is NO wonder that home births are on the rise. This coming from someone who didn't "get" med-free or hospital-free birthing before having had my little girl. I think it's crucial to avoid demonizing either side though. Plain and simple, women should deliver wherever they believe they will feel most comfortable. Like it or not, most women are under the belief that they and their newborn will receive optimal care within a hospital setting. I was one of those. About 1-2 years ago, the NY Times published another article about home birthing, with doctors and midwives weighing in on the safety of home births. If the medical "establishment" is so concerned about women's safety, they need to look inward.... what is driving so many women toward midwives, birthing pools, and home settings?? True reform needs to take place within our medical system. How that happens? Hell if I know. Barring women who have tenuous pregnancies/birthing prospects, I don't blame any woman for a second for turning toward home birth. That is a 180 from my attitude just over a year ago.
ReplyDeleteYou are not humorless. In fact I couldn't see anything wrong with your comment, it wasn't even overly defensive. As for me, I am not too keen on delivering in a plastic pool with floating particles, but I'm also against forcing birth before its due date and scheduled c-sections.
ReplyDeleteGreat post. Made me think you might be interested in this birth video contest with a $1000 prize for the best educational video about options during pregnancy and childbirth. It would be fantastic if you wanted to help us spread the word by blogging about it. Contest rules are here: http://www.birthmattersva.org/videocontest.html or you can send people to the Facebook page here: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=73753459808#/group.php?sid=e146cf29ff029d1148a6a465af742146&gid=73753459808
ReplyDeleteSorry about the spammy nature of this comment! Love your thoughts on birth and good luck with #2!
I'm quite late on commenting, but I can't help but say something. I am SO certain that the more that women were educated and guided towards a more natural approach for birth, with the concept that physiological birth is the healthiest, I think less women would be threatened, and intimidated by homebirth. Or natural birth.
ReplyDeleteIt's amazing to me how snarky women can get>. Maybe sitting around a table comparing battle stories of long labors, c-section scars, and stretch marks makes some women feel better about themselves?
For the record, you WERE completely polite and you have a great sense of humor.